200901747 Shin Myungchul First Draft.
A Guide to Happiness
200901747 Shin Myungchul
6/29
First Draft
Happiness, actually, is everywhere. But each person finds it in different places, places that
never know it could be. For me, I find my happiness internally. I think happiness is inside me,
so there is no reason to find it elsewhere. But of course there are some people, who's in a
deep despair, claims that no happiness is left for them, and I feel great pity for them. What
they just have to know is happiness is a thing like air. It never runs out. One never know that
it is all around, but if take a closer look, it can be easily found. Finding Happiness is very
important. If one realises that they have happiness, their life will be much easier and peaceful.
Physical health is very important for happiness. Since person's main power is healthiness,
having a good physical condition is crucial for happiness. Money, power, and all the cause of
happiness will be worthless if a person has not good health. As there is old saying : A sound
mind in a sound body, keeping good condition should always be a top priority and other
things subordinate.
Emotional condition, as well as physical condition, is also important. Depressed thought
cannot derive happiness at all. Flaws in mental well being can produce some dire results such
as depression, lack of vitality and even tragic suicide. Having optimism is very important.
Someone who keeps thinking in a hopeful way has no option but to succeed.
Finally, last but not least, psychological condition can also be a main cause of happiness.
One example is love. Person who is in deep love can make a promising power of being happy.
Also, keeping faith in religion can also tell that they are happy. Being totally into something
can make person focuses on that, and can empty the room for hopelessness to come in.
To summarise, none of the three factors above can be excluded to real happiness. A trio of
physical health, emotional health and psychological health is crucial for finding happiness. In
order to keep all these things at once, one should concentrate on these things, not material and
earthly things such as fortune or properties. Having all of these can obviously lead one to the
world full of happiness.
The content of your essay is good, but the typing order makes me be confused.
ReplyDeleteI like your methapor; Air - happiness.
It is really impressive to me.
But overall I don't know exactly what your thesis is. That is not strong and clear enough.
It might be also due to order.
First of all, I like your metaphor ; Air - Happiness. It is really impressive to me.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have almost same think about important factors for happiness.
However, your typing order problem makes me be confused. And overall your thesis is not strong and clear enough for me.
Overall you did a good job! ^^
Hello.
ReplyDeleteActually, it was hard to read these lines. most of all, you'd better divide them into five paragraghs.
And when you write any essay, I recommend you to use MS word. Because MS word has a function to correct fragmentary sentences, you'd better notice easily what is wrong in grammar.
you sliped some words, and sentences.
for example,
to summarise
if one realises that they have happiness
I think you don't have problems to corret them. just slip of tongue :)